Someone recently ask me ” how are you, are you okay?” And for a second this threw me off guard, I hesitated before answering with an awkward laugh “I honestly don’t know”
Until that moment I don’t think It hit me that I wasn’t okay. And I although I was fully aware the person asking me was doing so out of politeness and was also unsure what to say after my response. It was nice to feel valued and like someone cared.
Now I know I am incredibly lucky to have a loving family and amazing friends and I know they care about me and love me too but sometimes my mind likes make me think otherwise and that they only “put up with me” because they have too. And this couldn’t be further from the truth but anxiety and depression can play with your mind like that sometimes.
It can make you feel so isolated and alone while standing in a crowded room. Constantly worrying about everything from ” are they laughing at me” to “am I invisible” and “what did I do wrong” to “your so stupid for doing that”
For as long as I can remember I have always be refered to as anxious and for a while I didn’t know what that fully meant. As to me being anxious was being on edge and scared all the time and I didn’t see myself as fitting that.
But looking back now and knowing more about anxiety and depression I can see that,
– I would get overwhelmed in new situations or crowded rooms.
– I would avoid eye or physical contact.
– I would located and be aware of the nearest exit at all times incase.
– I would assume everyone was laughing and talking about me.
Through speaking to my doctor and seeking help I learnt that I wasn’t alone in the way I felt and that there are ways and things that can help you cope.
I also learnt that anxiety can affect everyone differently and there isn’t just one definition for someone with anxiety.
It can feel so lonely and overwhelming at times but it’s important to remember you are not alone and you are stronger than you think.
Asking for help and accepting it is a sign of strength and not weakness.
– curly sue xoxo
SuzzisSpotlight 
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